i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
