they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
