So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
