She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
