Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
