i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
