the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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