White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
