I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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