chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
