the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
