Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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