bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
