on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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