I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just want to make out with him forever
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
there is glitter all over my balls
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
