i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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