I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
