My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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