Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i out mim tonsoeep
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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