Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
