Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
