I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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