The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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