Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
