if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
