trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
