remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
