That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
