the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
