Got a toothbrush?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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