I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
