my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
