My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
