Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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