How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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