I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
