sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
