matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
