ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
