Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
