She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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