i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
