at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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