Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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