Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
