Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
