I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
