There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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