Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
