im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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